I was abused...

Ok. So while this is not my proudest moment in life due to a family member recently experiencing abuse is the reason why I think it's important for me to revisit my experience. 


However, this will be short, because I prayed and promised that I would NEVER let this crap consume my life ever again.


I spent 8 years with my abuser.  Not being raised in a household with both parents made me want that for my children so I lived with verbal and physical abuse to give them what I didn't have.  Imagine me a 22 year old young woman with 3 kids and no real idea of what this family dynamic was supposed to look like.  I was raised by loving grandparents, but they were old even when I was young, and didn't teach me what I needed to know about this kind of stuff.  I learned the hard way.


I would always fight back which is why I think it lasted so long.  Just because you defend yourself doesn't make the abuse ok.  He's still a man and was stronger than me.  What's even sadder is the fact that he still doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself even to this day.  And just because it's no long me on the other side of his fist doesn't mean I'm happy about it.


The reason's would vary... but now that I'm older I know it's because he was cheating and just assumed that because he was a mess I was also.  That was the furthest thing from the truth... I mean somebody had to work to raise our children!  That person 99% of the time was me.  I put my life on the backburner for someone who never valued me as a person so valuing me as the mother of his kids wasn't going to happen either.


For years after we broke up the verbal abuse continued.  It wasn't until I met my fiancé that it stopped.  He promised to beat him up a couple times in the beginning, and after that his tone of voice got different when he spoke to me.  He doesn't even raise his voice anymore.


Abuse is not ok.  I drill that into my kids because they have seen their father in action before (as I said he still hasn't learned).  I tell my daughter that's not what love looks like.... I tell my son that a MAN does not hit women.  If it ever gets to that point and a women is hitting you, then you need to be a man and leave. 


I will never tolerate any treatment less than EVER again.  I think God I was never seriously hurt, because not all women can say that.  I've been Blessed now with an incredible man of God that wouldn't even dream of raising his hand at me.


Eight years is a long time to fight with someone, and while I can't get that time back I look forward to helping others when I can.


You are valuable!