She's an Organized Disaster

  This is too much... I've been adulating for waaayyyy tooooo long.  Growing up I was in such a rush to be grown... so at 19 I had my first kid which left me no choice.  At this point I've been adulating for so long that the days of not having any responsibilities seems like it never happened.  Now that I'm finally almost done with school I have to adult some more.  Making the choice between the job of my dreams and a good job ready for me now isn't as easy of a choice as I was expecting it to be.  Unlike other students half my age I need something now.  I have a household that depends on me, so the sooner I can finally make some real money the better. I've been incredibly Blessed since my kids were small to always have a pretty good job.  Now I want to settle into my career, and make a difference in the company.  This isn't all about the money for me it's about being an asset, and a valuable member of a team (the money is...

Where should I start.... Oh yeah! My kids are spoiled! And yes I know it's my fault... I was super spoiled the same way growing up so I guess a lot of how I am comes from that.  I also feel like I have to over compensate because the majority of their wants, and needs come from my household.  But sometimes I want to kick myself, because it's getting out of hand! I work very hard to provide for them and they see me working day and night to get done with school, take them here, there and everywhere in-between on top of going to work ect.... But does that register when they want something..... HELLLLLLL NOOOOOOO! I could have JUST sat down, and here they come and not with a "Hi Mom! How was your day" but with a "Moooommmm I need, I want, can I thins, can I that" OH yeah and YOU take us, because my friends parents aren't running us all over creation like you will because you don't want us out walking the streets after dark! I need to be on...

So this post is totally last minute, because honestly I don't have anything to talk about this week! However, I did have a horrific experience last night... Christian wants to drive me places now because she's in "Behind The Wheel"... (Jesus be a seatbelt) For the record she sits straight up in the seat with her chest almost touching the steering wheel which alone makes me nervous as hell. Very long story short I made her go the back way to our destination because it was after 4pm and traffic picks up, and I'm not ready for that kind of pressure. Back roads didn't prove to be any easier! We got honked at and I'm pretty sure the city bus driver cussed us out! By the time we made it to where we were going she hit the curb twice when I asked her to get over to other cars go by, and her reasoning for that was "they haven't taught us to do that yet" WHAT!!! All you had to do was move over a little, and slow down like I told you to!  OMG!...

Ok. So while this is not my proudest moment in life due to a family member recently experiencing abuse is the reason why I think it's important for me to revisit my experience.  However, this will be short, because I prayed and promised that I would NEVER let this crap consume my life ever again. I spent 8 years with my abuser.  Not being raised in a household with both parents made me want that for my children so I lived with verbal and physical abuse to give them what I didn't have.  Imagine me a 22 year old young woman with 3 kids and no real idea of what this family dynamic was supposed to look like.  I was raised by loving grandparents, but they were old even when I was young, and didn't teach me what I needed to know about this kind of stuff.  I learned the hard way. I would always fight back which is why I think it lasted so long.  Just because you defend yourself doesn't make the abuse ok.  He's still a man and was stronger than me....

The older I get the more I realize that some of my closest friends are not who I once thought they were. It's natural to grow apart I know, but when I started not liking one of my best friends it was getting kind of awkward. I had been feeling a divide for quite some time due to some issues I felt were not acceptable for someone who's supposed to be my "bestie".  I know time and space can help people cool down and get a level head, but I had seriously gotten to the point where I didn't care one way or another if I ever talked to her again. I didn't want to feel that way, but that's where is was going. I pride myself on being a good friend.  Always supportive and there to slap a Bi @#$ if needed! LOL We laugh together, we cry together and most importantly we celebrate each other.  I didn't feel like that was happening.  It was getting extremely one sided, and the only person that seemed to matter was her. BUT there is always that ONE friend th...

Ok so I'm late! Like sure late and just about two weeks behind on my Blog due to life at it's finest. I could sit here and talk about how busy I am... Well because I am... or how much I can't wait to graduate... Well because I can't, but I won't do that because then I feel like I may start to sound ungrateful. Let me tell something, I wasn't always this Blessed.  Once upon a time I was not as focused on my life and family like I am now.  I started my family YOUNG so as you can probably imagine I've too many mistakes to count.  HOWEVER God saw fit to keep me in his presence, and not let things get as bad as the could have.  And for that I can't complain about my crazy busy life, because I'm overjoyed I have one. Being a young mother of 3 at 22 years old, I didn't know what my life would look like at my now 38 years of age. I just knew that I had to grow up because I had kids that depended on me, but I was also still young and wanted to hang ...